from uncut grass upon a hill.

it’s sunday. it’s my day off. this family is quite old fashion about such things. i told them i would make them breakfast and dinner today, so they too could have a day of rest. i made french toast, with thick brioche bread, almonds, and pears. syrup is hard to find here, but i found some on friday, and they really loved it.

i didnt end up coming down stairs until 10, and they were hungry and waiting. but i had not slept past 7 all week, and didnt really care. it was the best ive ever made french toast. mmm.

last night was so strange. we went to raymond’s cousin’s wedding reception. the venue was beautiful, my taste kind of beautiful, i think. it was at a restaurant, but they had rented out the place. huuuge space. super high ceilings. old wooden rafters. a deep, aged looking oak. black floors. the tables were center-pieced with an array of orange wild flowers. it was so “fall”, but very elegant and feminine.

i stayed home with jakob for the ceremony, but later joined them at the party. the bride was dressed really ..eh. i wish i had brought my camera. she looked like 1908 fashion. so tradish. an ugly hat that made her look really old and you coudnt really see her face. i wanted to make a joke, but didnt in the event that this was very normal or traditional or whatever. turns out it was very traditional... but not in a good way. and everyone was making fun of her.

the bride was super boring, and i felt kind of bad. everyone was having a good time and joking about but she didnt want any of this. she wanted serious wedding time. with waltzes and shit. oh! the band was named the vibrations. and were so bad good wedding band. so funniez.

over all it was realy cute and german. everyone dressed for a funeral. (brown and black only, plz) emma and i were talking about that today. how she said that even though i always dressed so differently when i “go out”, and her and raymond always comment on it. she said, “it’s really special and unique though, so don’t change that just because we make fun of you.” ha! well, okay later, she also said her and raymond worry how much “men” come up to me when i go out because of how much i stick out.

and i’m like.. yes... all the 49 year old men and their baggage. clamoring after me like dogs (sarcasm).... yeah right.

oh also, at the wedding, i met raymond’s sister-in-law and we got to talking about being an au-pair. and i’ve heard a lot of shitty things about this women, so i really didnt want to talk to her, but i’m really glad i did. she and i were speaking of the nanny situation in general, and i was speaking to her about my past experiences and she said that she’s had 4 au pairs, the most recent one just left but a week ago, and she said she doesnt understand why a girl like me would do it. she said it’s one of the hardest and least respected jobs. (before i continue i would like to give this woman a face, it makes it that much better, surprising, refreshing: think early 40’s scottsdale mom with money and tits and blonde. i know right?) she asked me why i was doing it and i told her to just learn in general, i guess. about myself. what i can and can not handle. a language. she interrupted me and said that i’m learning so much more than language and she’s glad i know that it’s a job that teaches me more than just a language and diapers and that i’m going to take so much away from it. she also said to me that i have to be so strong to do this, and that she can see it in me. and she said she sees it more in me than any of the girls she ever had. i dont know why she was saying this to me. her reputation makes her seem so... careless and lacking thought. we carried on to speak of her daughters, and this and that. later she interrupted me when i was talking about the states and she said “how old are you?” i said, well i’m 18. “18?” yeah. “that’s all.” haha, yeah i feel a lot older though. “yes, your eyes have seem much. too much.”

and that’s when, for the first time, i cried in germany.

i smiled and excused myself and went outside.

when i came back in she was talking to other people, but i really wanted to keep talking with her. i told her girls, joy and beatrice, that they should come over and play. so i hope they will soon.

i had to leave early with jakob, before i got a chance to eat, which was awful. the menu was amazing.

got home later that night, with sister-in-law’s words all over my head and drank myself into a restless sleep.
fuck.

after breakfast today i went up to my room and kind of paced about for a bit. then decided to take a hike up around past the sheep to the top of a large hill.



this is the view from where i am now writing this.
i love it here.

i feel like an ass with my computer on this hillmountaingrassnature. it doesnt feel right. haha. i look like an advertisement. or a joke about my generation.

it suddenly got cold. i’m going to head back to the house to start dinner. i’m making stuffed bell peppers.


the country is awe-inspiring. and it’s where i need to be right now.

(there is sound.)

-tg