restated, honestly.

when i say i'm not all woo-wooing obama, people get really upset and confused here.

and i really couldn't put my finger on how to explain it to some of my closest friends, let alone non-americans.

i mean, it all makes sense in my head. but more than half the time i dont want to venture to disturb and dissect things that actually make sense in there.

so i think i've got it now. my phone rang this morning at 6-something. and no one was there. lying awake this is what i came to:

i don't think either potential president was strong enough. sharp enough. honest-to-one's self enough. cool enough. together enough. anything enough really. except that both had enough bull shit to play the politics game.

but, alas, as we all know. mr. obama has won the the big key to all the red buttons under glass boxes and all the history books and criticism and maybe even one day, a dollar bill. that way we can have one for the first president of the united states and one for the first black president of the united states. because we need to distinguish the two.

yes, secretly in my heart of hearts i was pulling for the guy. i didnt vote for him. or the other main contender. i believe in my 3rd parties, god damn it.

but i guess this is what has been getting to me:

#1 every day, while shouting 'change!' and 'we can!' and everyone echoing 'yeah! we can!' makes me question it more.

can we, my beloved america? we cant even recycle properly. a leader cant change everyone. "voting for change". everyone who voted for change better get off their ass then. mr. obama isnt going to come to your house and help you personally change to help better our country and our world and your lives and your budget. he cant come and help you make moral decisions for your children. for yourself. your spouse. if you voted for change, if you believe in the pretty words dancing from president obama's mouth, you need to change too. we all do. but especially you. DO YOU HEAR ME, AMERRIKA?

you get the idea.

#2 lots of this talk and promises and policy change. and more pretty words. and earnest smiles. and stress and work. and holding your head up. they don't mean anything. just an inspiring song and dance. and i love it. i'm all about the song and dance. but at the end of the day, he's going to be so highly scrutinized. just like any president would be.

but especially him. he's "the hope". we've put all our money on him. we're counting on this man to take us out of this shit hole. and if he doesnt give a fight at following through...well its like finding out santa claus isnt real or something. he'll be torn apart. it'll be a conservative dream. imagine the headlines, you know? same old shit, different day. different name.

i dont want the democratic party to be fucked for another 8 years after these coming 4 because he was too much talk at first and couldnt keep up.

i hope this is coming off the way it does in my head.

#3 and why i dont trust/didnt vote for either of them. and especially him. i expected it from the other one.

to put it simply. you dont get 7 million dollars over night because youre a good, honest man in the political world. you have to do and say lots of shit. and be things youre not. and i hate that.

call me a dreamer. call me whatever the fuck you want. i dont care. i will always believe the politics and politicians should be honest and true. stick to their guns no matter how hard they are pushed. it means something. its real. its what its all about. its why i always respected that crazy old ron paul. its why i still believe in santa claus.

i gave up on being a politician a long time ago. when i saw that i'd have to sacrifice who i am and what i believe to ever expect to make it even half way across the street.... and i was so damn young. at least i'm lucky and got out of that dream before i spent too much time being let down.

i can do similar things in other arenas. its one of the reasons i stuck with girl scouts.

and #4

to sum it all up, i will repeat a one sir francis bacon:

"it is a strange desire which men have, to speak power and lose liberty."

and that is what scares me most. no matter how you look at it.

mr. obama, please prove me wrong.

-tg